Survivor Story: Beth
Growing up, I never felt comfortable in my own skin. I felt like I didn’t belong. I felt lost and was very insecure, and losing my mother at age 9 only intensified those feelings. In my mind, everything was always my fault. A lot of trauma happened to me that I never dealt with. I ended up growing up quickly, which came along with doing grown up things. I searched to fill that void in my heart with different people, places, and things. Don’t get me wrong, I had a good family that did the best they could with what they knew about my life, but it just wasn’t enough. By the age of 22, I already had two children and tons of damage.
I was a ticking time bomb. I had lit a fuse that no human power would be able to put out. Six weeks after having my daughter, I was in a physically abusive relationship and my C-section scar was kicked open, and that was when I was introduced to pills. It wasn’t my first experience with drugs, but it was the one that took away all my pain, physical and emotional. But as a lot of us know, that was only the tip of the iceberg. I was getting so much worse and didn’t even know it. I hated the person I had become, and when my kids were taken from me, I went on a downward spiral. I hate to admit it, but I gave up on myself, my kids, and my family because I thought they would be better off without me. I lost everything and everyone and deserved a life of misery. At least, that’s what the devil had me believing. I hurt everyone, because frankly, hurt people hurt people.
I didn’t want to feel or even be alive, so my drug use became my best friend. It was the only thing that I thought I had left, and I leaned on it more and more. I was broken. I did things I never thought I would do, and I was involved with people I would never have been with. My addiction took me into the devil’s playground, and I was going to ride every ride. The enemy had such a grip on me because he knew if I realized God’s purpose for my life he was in big trouble. So, year after year, I reached a new low.
In 2016 I had my youngest son, and the Lord knows I tried to do right by him, but I had already opened a door that I didn’t know how to close. I was programmed for drugs, chaos, and life in the streets. I didn’t know how to live without it, which led me back out every time. Through all the years of manipulation, exploitation, and addiction, my mind started turning on me. I was held hostage. My only way to cope was to get high which led me low every time. Let me put it this way: I’ve been in jails and institutions and died more times than I can count. BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD THERE GO I. Even when I was in the hog’s pen, God was in it with me and I know that now.
On January 29th, 2023, the law caught up with me for the last time. I was being arrested. But the funny thing was that I felt so at peace when it happened, like I really shouldn’t have felt that I was going to jail, and I didn’t know for how long. BUT the God I serve knew what He was doing while I was incarcerated. He sent me a God-fearing woman that believed in me when no one else did, and she told me about The WellHouse and helped me apply.
When we arrived on the property, it was late in the evening and all I could make out were two houses and a small chapel. Being a city girl I thought to myself: “WHAT did I get myself into?” Yet when I walked into The Immediate Shelter (TIS), I was welcomed by some wonderful women. The next morning I woke up early and sat on the front porch, and when the sun rose it showed how beautiful the whole property was. I felt lucky to be there, despite all I’ve done God brought me here, to this amazing place. I heard a voice say FOR I KNOW THE PLANS I HAVE FOR YOU DECLARES THE LORD, PLANS TO PROSPER YOU AND NOT TO HARM YOU PLANS TO GIVE YOU A HOPE AND A FUTURE… another God wink right out the gate, it connected later to my oldest son’s name and birthday. Jeremiah 29:11. I started meeting the rest of the staff and they had a glow and smile to them like they knew something, had something, and I wanted it too.
Before coming to The WellHouse I knew about God, but I didn’t have a relationship with Him, and that’s the biggest treasure I’ve gained while being here. I dove into the Word and the program, and through them God taught me that I am a daughter of the most high King and to wear my crown. He paid the price, I’m forgiven, and the shame and guilt are cast as far as East is from the West. I’m worth it. My past doesn’t define my future. I have a purpose for my life, and it is God-ordained. I’ve learned to love myself. I’ve gained new coping skills and hobbies like sewing, sketching, and learning to play the guitar.
The women at The WellHouse listened to me, cried with me, laughed with me and always were willing to pray with me. They unconditionally loved me when I couldn’t love myself. They taught me that feelings are not facts. There were really hard days, and I packed my bags to leave a few times. They were patient with me and talked me off the ledge. I'm not going to lie, it's hard to rewire your brain and learn to live life on different terms. I hated hearing “Trust the process” and “It’s God’s timing not yours” but I understand it now. I’ve been able to realize God has and always will be with me, He just wanted me to let him into my heart.
I’ve gained so much during my time here. God has restored my relationship with my three kids, my family members, and so much more. This isn’t just a program, it is my support system, my new family. One thing that has stuck with me throughout this entire journey is this: Before I gave up everything for one thing, now I give up that one thing for everything.